I saw that church billboard in Houston where they used a cross instead of a “t.” On behalf of the rest of us: sorry.

Love,
thad

Is Chris Farley in heaven? I know he was a mess but I can’t believe you’d let the Devil have Matt Foley for all eternity.

Love,
thad

I know you’re the Prince of Peace and all, but could you steer clear of this thing between the Yankees and Jeter just a bit longer? TIA.

Love,
thad

I just saw that LeBron was nominated for Time’s Person of the Year. Did you come get all the other persons and I missed it?

Love,
thad

Please come quickly. And if you don’t, is there any chance I could go to sleep and wake up after election day? TIA.

Love,
thad

I don’t know if you read this guy’s blog, but he’s crusading for justice (and he’s a heck of a writer) // www.thadnorvell.com

Love,
thad

I know it seems sadistic, but when you kill sickness and death, can I watch the “double-edged” stomach flu die? Slowly.

Love, thad

I agree children are a blessing, but so is never having to google “clean diarrhea off mattress.” I guess I can’t have it all.

Love,
thad

You know that preacher in Florida who likes to play with matches? Oh. You don’t? Right. That answers my question. Thanks.

Love,
thad

If there is a giant in me, let’s not wake him. The smallish version of me is trouble enough.

Love,
thad

I just found a half-eaten Oreo in my bed. When you said the Kingdom is for “such as these” referring to kids, you didn’t mean I’d have to sweep crumbs out of my bed for all eternity, did you? If so, is hell my only other option?

Love,
thad

Last night when I shouted your name after accidentally touching live wires with a piece of metal, I wasn’t taking it in vain. I was being optimistic (in case that was it for me).

Love,
thad

I’m pretty sure the movie “Vampires Suck” was made by vampires since it looks like it sucks and is about vampires.

Love,
thad

Will Texans have an easier adjustment to hell than the general population? I’m referring both to the weather and the omnipresence of Mack Brown.

Love,
thad

If someone murders the guy making all the cheap screws that strip every time I dare to turn them, it was probably me.

Love,
thad

Sorry it’s been a while. How often do you expect me to write? Should I just tweet the Lord’s Prayer if I’m sick or busy?

Love,
thad

I just saw Inception. I think. Or was it just a—hey, cool, why does that top keep spinning and spinning?

Love,
thad

Every August, just as the Texas heat makes me wonder if I’m in hell, you remind me that I’m not when football returns. Thanks.

Love,
thad

When I was little I couldn’t see the forest for the trees, but that’s just because where I grew up we called the forest “the woods.”

Love,
thad

There’s a whole teevee show about cupcakes. I was confused, but then I realized you must have been hungry when you let that one happen.

Love,
thad

I’ll keep my notes to you under 140 characters as often as possible, but thanks for freeing me from the law of sin and twitter.

Love,
thad

Remember this morning when my two year old screamed “EVERYBODY LOOK AT ME!!” and I tried to turn her off with the remote? Sorry. I got confused and mistook her for another Brett Favre story on ESPN.

Love,
thad

Did it annoy you that Carrie Underwood got rich telling you what to do all because she’s not a very good driver?

Love,
thad

You know how some people see the good in everyone, even the real buttheads? Thanks for not making me one of them.

Love,
thad

Did it frustrate you knowing air conditioning would be invented, but not until after your human years? I guess even omniscience has its downsides.

Love,
thad